We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
