Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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