I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize