It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
