He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
