wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
