Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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