I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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