I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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