Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Too much gin, very little bucket
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
