come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
