so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
