My room smells like vodka and shame
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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