ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also, beer. Big fan.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
