i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
