Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
