i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
