I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
