the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
