; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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