oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
