Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
