Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
