I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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