census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
