Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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