im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
