i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
