There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
