fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
