So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
