She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This house was built for laser tag.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
