You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize