ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
