She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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