it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize