So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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