note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
