her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
