Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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