How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
