I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
