Don't you send me to vm
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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