Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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