Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize