I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
