i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
