also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Congratulations! We have a period
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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