My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
