the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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