I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
