i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize