Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
