The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
