So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
