he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
