so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
