I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
