He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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