Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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