My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
