Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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