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): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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