So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
