Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
