im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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