yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
