porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
