I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
