Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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