Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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