it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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