I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
