Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
