I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
