Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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