He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We're too hungover to prance.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
