I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
