seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
