dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
