is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
