On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize