Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
50% drunk capacity currently
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
