yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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