dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
