Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
