yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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