Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
