its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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