My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
