There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
