we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
