JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize