You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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