Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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