summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
