if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
