Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
