My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
