he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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