It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
