dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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