What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
