I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
