Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
