last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no, he came in my armpit
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
