wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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