he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
