I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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