my mouth tastes like poor choices
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
