watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
