goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
