I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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