just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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