I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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