Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
